Life in Hell

One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he meets a demon.

Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon:" Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it."

Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fu

Guy: "Golly"

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

Guy: "Wow."

Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

Demon: "You gay?"

Guy: "Uh, no."

Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."

World's shortest books

THINGS I DID TO DESERVE


THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE


by Barack Obama


  ____________________________________________


OTHER BLACK PEOPLE I'VE MET WHILE YACHTING


by Tiger Woods


______________________________________________


THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY

by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan.
Illustrated by Michael Moore

________________________________________



MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS &
HOW I HELPED AFTER  KATRINA

by  Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton

_______________________________________

THINGS I  LOVE ABOUT BILL

by  Hillary Clinton

________________________________



Sequel:
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill  Clinton

___________________________________



MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE
by  Osama Bin Laden

___________________________________



THINGS I  CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates

____________________________________



THINGS I  WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman  
_________________________________



THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
by Al Gore & John Kerry  
_____________________________________

AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC

___________________________________



A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J.. Kevorkian


__________________________________



     TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED, BEFORE .
by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnel


 _________________________________

GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson



 __________________________________

THE AMISH  PHONE DIRECTORY
_______________________________________

MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O. J. Simpson
_________________________________________



HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY
by Ted Kennedy
______________________



MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton with introduction
by the Rev. Jesse Jackson







*******************************************************

AND, JUST ADDED:







Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy!
By Nancy Pelosi

Hello Friends

Hope you are having great fun going thru all the funny cartoons and jokes on my blog, if you would like to contribute some jokes that i can post, please feel free to mail them to wewilltweet4u@gmail.com and I will post them.

Please feel free to let me know what can i do to improve.

Cheers!

Up North


What women and men really mean...


Romance in old age cartoons 3 of 3



Romance in old age cartoons 2 of 3




Romance in old age cartoons 1 of 3



Father O'Malley

Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Washington DC parish.

He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of air and to see the beautiful day outside.  He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.

He promptly called the US House of Representatives for assistance.

The conversation went like this:  "Good morning. This is Speaker Pelosi.  How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself.  This is Father O'Malley at St.Brigid's.

There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn.  Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Speaker Pelosi, considering herself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk,

"Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, that's certainly true,  but we are also obliged to first notify the next of kin."

Plastic surgery