True story from upstate NY
Well, there is good news and bad news about my Christmas decorations this year
Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever. Great stories. But two things made me take it down. First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by. Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn't realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard.
Kind of feel like I gave in to the man by taking him down but my neighbor did confirm to near miss accidents on the busy street next to my house. I think I made him too real this time
So it was fun while it lasted! Merry Christmas!
Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever. Great stories. But two things made me take it down. First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by. Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn't realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard.
Kind of feel like I gave in to the man by taking him down but my neighbor did confirm to near miss accidents on the busy street next to my house. I think I made him too real this time
So it was fun while it lasted! Merry Christmas!
Advice from the death bed
An old Italian Mafia "Don" is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed.
"Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you
always remember me."
"But, Grandpa, I really don't like guns. Howz about you leave me your Rolex
watch instead?"
"Shuddup an'a lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business. You gonna
have a beautifula wife, lots money, a bigga home and maybe a couple a
bambinos.
Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe find your wife inna bed with
another man. Whadda you gonna do then... pointa to you watch and say,
"Times up?"
"Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you
always remember me."
"But, Grandpa, I really don't like guns. Howz about you leave me your Rolex
watch instead?"
"Shuddup an'a lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business. You gonna
have a beautifula wife, lots money, a bigga home and maybe a couple a
bambinos.
Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe find your wife inna bed with
another man. Whadda you gonna do then... pointa to you watch and say,
"Times up?"
Italian Business School
Carlo (the father, says to his son): 'I want you to marry a girl of my choice.'
Son says: 'I will choose my own bride!!!'
Carlo says: 'But the girl is Bill Gates' daughter . . .'
Son answers: 'Well, in that case . . . ok'
Next Carlo approaches Bill Gates and says, 'I have a husband for your daughter ...'
Bill Gates answers: 'But my daughter is too young to marry!!'
Carlo says: 'But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank'
Bill Gates answers: 'Ah, in that case . . . ok'
Finally Carlo goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Carlo says: 'I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.'
President answers: 'But I already have more vice-presidents than I need!'
Carlo says : 'But this young man is Bill Gates' son-in-law.'
President answers: 'Ah, in that case . . . ok'
And that, my friends, is how Italians do business!
Son says: 'I will choose my own bride!!!'
Carlo says: 'But the girl is Bill Gates' daughter . . .'
Son answers: 'Well, in that case . . . ok'
Next Carlo approaches Bill Gates and says, 'I have a husband for your daughter ...'
Bill Gates answers: 'But my daughter is too young to marry!!'
Carlo says: 'But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank'
Bill Gates answers: 'Ah, in that case . . . ok'
Finally Carlo goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Carlo says: 'I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.'
President answers: 'But I already have more vice-presidents than I need!'
Carlo says : 'But this young man is Bill Gates' son-in-law.'
President answers: 'Ah, in that case . . . ok'
And that, my friends, is how Italians do business!
The Wedding
A mother and her child were at a wedding.
A little boy looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"
His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."
The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"
A little boy looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"
His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."
The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"
Tiger Woods jokes
1) It was just reported that Phil Mickelson contacted
Tiger's wife to pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger.
2) Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive
cars. Now he has a hole in one.
3) What's the difference between a car and a golf
ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
4) Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash,
but he's still not up to par.
5) What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at
2:30 in the morning? They went clubbing
6) Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree.
He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron
Tiger's wife to pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger.
2) Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive
cars. Now he has a hole in one.
3) What's the difference between a car and a golf
ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
4) Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash,
but he's still not up to par.
5) What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at
2:30 in the morning? They went clubbing
6) Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree.
He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron
While shepherds watched
While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around
The union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available.
Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.
Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around
The union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available.
Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.
Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.
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