Memory
Two old men were sitting on a park bench visiting. Their wives were
sitting on the adjacent bench.
The first old man said, "I sure am having trouble with my memory these
days. Seems like I can't remember anything anymore."
2nd man: "I used to have that problem until I started taking those
little green pills."
1st man: "Little green pills. What are they?"
2nd man: "I can't think of the name. Let me see. I need the name of
a sweet smelling flower that comes from a thorny bush."
1st man: "Rose?"
2nd man: "Yes, Rose, that's it." (calling to his wife): "Rose, what is
the name of those little green pills?"
sitting on the adjacent bench.
The first old man said, "I sure am having trouble with my memory these
days. Seems like I can't remember anything anymore."
2nd man: "I used to have that problem until I started taking those
little green pills."
1st man: "Little green pills. What are they?"
2nd man: "I can't think of the name. Let me see. I need the name of
a sweet smelling flower that comes from a thorny bush."
1st man: "Rose?"
2nd man: "Yes, Rose, that's it." (calling to his wife): "Rose, what is
the name of those little green pills?"
Never cheat on a country woman
A Country wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With super-human strength, borne of fury, cutting firewood, lifting sacks of feed, and bales of hay, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the barn. She put his manhood in a vise, secured it tightly, and removed the handle.. Next, she picked up an old carpenter's saw.
The banged up cheater was terrified, and hollered, "Stop! Stop! You're not gonna cut it off with that rusty saw, are you?"
The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's hand and said......
"Nope....You are! I'm gonna burn down the barn!"
The banged up cheater was terrified, and hollered, "Stop! Stop! You're not gonna cut it off with that rusty saw, are you?"
The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's hand and said......
"Nope....You are! I'm gonna burn down the barn!"
The Lecture
The headmistress of a girls' school asked a male friend who was an author to give a talk to the pupils about sex.
After much persuasion, the man agreed but was too embarrassed to tell his wife. So, he told her he was addressing the school on sailing.
The day after the talk, the headmistress met the wife in the street. "Your husband was wonderful yesterday, so illuminating. I know my girls learned a lot from him."
"I can't think how," said the wife. "He's only tried it twice. The first time he was sick and the second time he lost his hat."
After much persuasion, the man agreed but was too embarrassed to tell his wife. So, he told her he was addressing the school on sailing.
The day after the talk, the headmistress met the wife in the street. "Your husband was wonderful yesterday, so illuminating. I know my girls learned a lot from him."
"I can't think how," said the wife. "He's only tried it twice. The first time he was sick and the second time he lost his hat."
Smarter than All
At the conclusion of the sermon, the worshipers filed out of the sanctuary to greet the minister. As one of them left, he shook the minister's hand, thanked him for the sermon and said, "Thanks for the message, Reverend.
You know, you must be smarter than Einstein." Beaming with pride, the minister said, "Why, thank you, brother!" As the week went by, the minister began to think about the man's compliment. The more he thought, the more he became baffled as to why anyone would deem him smarter than Einstein. So he decided to ask the man the following Sunday.
The next Sunday the minister asked, "Exactly what did you mean that I must be smarter than Einstein?" The man replied, "Well, Reverend, they say Einstein was so smart that only 10 people in the world could understand him. But Reverend, no one can understand you."
You know, you must be smarter than Einstein." Beaming with pride, the minister said, "Why, thank you, brother!" As the week went by, the minister began to think about the man's compliment. The more he thought, the more he became baffled as to why anyone would deem him smarter than Einstein. So he decided to ask the man the following Sunday.
The next Sunday the minister asked, "Exactly what did you mean that I must be smarter than Einstein?" The man replied, "Well, Reverend, they say Einstein was so smart that only 10 people in the world could understand him. But Reverend, no one can understand you."
Priceless...
Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him
'Take me, young man. Take me now!'
Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?
Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, 'April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard
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