Fishing Trip
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of
fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book.
Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading my book," she replies as she thinks to herself, "Is this guy blind or what?"
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"But, Officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"
"But you have all this equipment, Ma'am. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I will charge you with rape," snaps the irate woman.
"I didn't even touch you," grouses the sheriff.
"Yes, that's true ... but you have all the equipment ..."
fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book.
Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading my book," she replies as she thinks to herself, "Is this guy blind or what?"
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"But, Officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"
"But you have all this equipment, Ma'am. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I will charge you with rape," snaps the irate woman.
"I didn't even touch you," grouses the sheriff.
"Yes, that's true ... but you have all the equipment ..."
The Automated Doctor
One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess
I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can
diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.00.
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool
sample from his dog, and urine samples
from his wife and daughter. To top it
off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The machine again made the usual noises, flashed lights, and printed out the following analysis:
Your tap water is too hard.
Get a water softener.
Your dog has ringworm.
Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
Your daughter is using cocaine.
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
Your wife is pregnant . . . twin girls.
They aren't yours.
Get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better.
I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can
diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.00.
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool
sample from his dog, and urine samples
from his wife and daughter. To top it
off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The machine again made the usual noises, flashed lights, and printed out the following analysis:
Your tap water is too hard.
Get a water softener.
Your dog has ringworm.
Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
Your daughter is using cocaine.
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
Your wife is pregnant . . . twin girls.
They aren't yours.
Get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better.
Seeing Ghosts
A professor at Auburn University was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asked, "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raised their hands. "Well, that's a good start.
Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've seen a ghost?" About 40 students raised their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" Fifteen students raised their hands. "Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Three students raised their hands. "That's fantastic.
Now let me ask you one more question—have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" Billy Bob, way in the back raised his hand. The professor took off his glasses, peers toward the back of the room and says, "Son, in all the years I've been teaching this class, no one has claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and made his way to the lectern. As he reached the front of the room, the professor said, "Well, now, tell us what it's like to make love with a ghost?" Billy Bob replied, "Dang! From way back there I thought you said 'goats'!"
Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've seen a ghost?" About 40 students raised their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" Fifteen students raised their hands. "Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Three students raised their hands. "That's fantastic.
Now let me ask you one more question—have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" Billy Bob, way in the back raised his hand. The professor took off his glasses, peers toward the back of the room and says, "Son, in all the years I've been teaching this class, no one has claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and made his way to the lectern. As he reached the front of the room, the professor said, "Well, now, tell us what it's like to make love with a ghost?" Billy Bob replied, "Dang! From way back there I thought you said 'goats'!"
Bad Times
The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
You know what?" "What, dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. "I think you're bad luck."
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
You know what?" "What, dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. "I think you're bad luck."
Different kind of Girls - Contd2
MULTIMEDIA GIRLS:
She makes horrible things look beautiful
CD-ROM GIRLS:
She is always faster and faster
EMAIL GIRLS:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense .
VIRUS GIRLS:
Also known as "wife'' when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.. .
Different kind of Girls - Contd1
SCREENSAVER GIRLS:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun
INTERNET GIRLS:
Difficult to access
SERVER GIRLS:
Always busy when you need her.
Different kind of Girls
HARD DISK GIRLS:
she remembers everything, FOREVER
RAM GIRLS:
she forgets about you, the moment you turn her off
WINDOW GIRLS:
everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
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