Divorce

A New York judge is presiding over the divorce proceedings of a Jewish couple.

When the final papers have been signed and the divorce is complete the woman thanks the judge and says, "Now I have to arrange for a Ghet."

The judge inquires what she means by a Ghet. So, the woman explains that a Ghet is a religious ceremony required under the Jewish religion in order to receive a divorce recognized by the Jewish faith.

The judge says, "You mean a religious ceremony like a Bris?" (Circumcision)

She replies, "Yes, very similar, only in this case you get rid of the entire prick!"

Mexibonics

1. *Cheese*

 The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence.. Pepito replies: Maria likes me, but cheese ugly.


2. *Mushroom*

 When all my family get in the car, there's not mushroom


3. *Shoulder*

My fren wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn't know how to read, so I shoulder.


4. * Texas *

My fren always Texas me when I'm not home wondering where I'm at!


5. *Herpes*

Me & my fren ordered pizza. I got mine piece & she got herpes.


6. *July*

Ju told me ju were going to tha store & July to me! Julyer!


7. *Rectum*

I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!


8. *Chicken*

I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.


9. *Wheelchair*

We only have one enchilada left, but don't worry, wheelchair


10. *Chicken* *wing*

My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.


11. *Harassment*

My wife caught me in bed with another women & I told her honey, harassment nothing to me.


12. *Bishop*

My wife fell down the stair so I had to pick the bishop.


13. *Body wash*

I want to go to the club but no body wash my kids.


14. *Budweiser*

 That women over there has a nice body, budweiser face so ugly?

Paddy's Memorial Stone

Paddy died. His will provided £40,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Colleen turned to her oldest and dearest friend.  "Ah well, to be sure Paddy would be pleased," she said.

"To be sure you're right," replied Mary, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "So go on, how much did this really cost?'"

"All of it," said Colleen. "Forty thousand."

"Aw No!" Mary exclaimed. "I mean, it was very grand, but £40,000?!!!"
Colleen answered, "The funeral was £6,500. I donated £500 to church. The whiskey, wine and snacks were another £500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone."


Mary computed quickly. "For the love of God Colleen, £32,500 for a Memorial Stone? How big is it?"


See below