Before his 2001 inauguration, George W. Bush was invited to a get acquainted tour of the White House.
After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he
could use his personal bathroom.
When he entered Clinton's personal bathroom, W. was astonished to see that President Clinton had a solid gold urinal. That afternoon George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think," he said,
"When I am president, I could have a gold urinal too. But I wouldn't do something that self-indulgent! "
Later when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been at his discovery of the fact that, in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.
That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary smiled, and said to Bill, "I found out who pissed in your Saxophone."
New Super market
A new supermarket opened in Hudson , Florida .
A new supermarket opened in Hudson, Florida. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the distant sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh cut hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks and brats.
In the liquor department, the aroma of fine wine.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there anymore...
A new supermarket opened in Hudson, Florida. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the distant sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh cut hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks and brats.
In the liquor department, the aroma of fine wine.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there anymore...
Interesting resume contents
The following quotations were taken from resumes and cover letters from all over the country.
With all the work and care that goes into writing these documents, it's funny, if unfortunate, when errors slip through to the final draft.
Alas, such mistakes make exactly the wrong impression on exactly the wrong people.
Resumes:
* "I am very detail-oriented."
* "I have a bachelorette degree in computers."
* "Graduated in the top 66% of my class."
* "Served as assistant sore manager."
* "Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel."
* "Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis."
* "Special skills: Thyping."
* "Special skills: Experienced with numerous office machines and can make great lattes."
* "I can play well with others."
* "I have exhaustive experience in manufacturing."
* "Special skills: I've got a Ph.D. in human feelings."
* "My contributions on product launches were based on dreams that I had."
* "I have used lots of software applications."
* "Objection: To utilize my skills in sales."
* "Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years."
* "Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president's girlfriend could steal my job."
* "Previous experience: Self-employed -- a fiasco."
* "I am a pit bull when it comes to analysis."
* "Work history: Bum. Abandoned belongings and led nomadic lifestyle."
With all the work and care that goes into writing these documents, it's funny, if unfortunate, when errors slip through to the final draft.
Alas, such mistakes make exactly the wrong impression on exactly the wrong people.
Resumes:
* "I am very detail-oriented."
* "I have a bachelorette degree in computers."
* "Graduated in the top 66% of my class."
* "Served as assistant sore manager."
* "Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel."
* "Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis."
* "Special skills: Thyping."
* "Special skills: Experienced with numerous office machines and can make great lattes."
* "I can play well with others."
* "I have exhaustive experience in manufacturing."
* "Special skills: I've got a Ph.D. in human feelings."
* "My contributions on product launches were based on dreams that I had."
* "I have used lots of software applications."
* "Objection: To utilize my skills in sales."
* "Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years."
* "Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president's girlfriend could steal my job."
* "Previous experience: Self-employed -- a fiasco."
* "I am a pit bull when it comes to analysis."
* "Work history: Bum. Abandoned belongings and led nomadic lifestyle."
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