I was in my backyard trying to fly a kite confused

I was in my back yard trying to fly a kite.

I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds,

then it would come crashing back down to earth.

I tried this a few more times with no success.

All the while, Laraine is watching from the kitchen window,

Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yelled to me,

"You need a piece of tail."

I turned with a confused look on my face and said,

'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite."

Real Extreme Pumpkins

http://www.extremepumpkins.com/pumpkin-carving-contest-winners-2008.html

Why Pumpkins are better than Men

For Halloween this year, consider how your very own pumpkin

may beat out boyfriends and husbands!

Why Pumpkins are better than Men:

1. Every year you get a brand new crop to choose from.

2. No matter what your mood is, pumpkins are always ready  to greet
you with a smile.

3. One usually makes a better pie.

4. They are always on the doorstep there waiting for you!

5. If you don't like the way he looks, you just carve up  another face.

6. If he starts smelling up your place, you can just throw him out.

7. From the start you know a pumpkin has an empty, mush  filled head
to begin with.

8. A pumpkin is turned on (lit-up) only when you want him to be.