Ruger is coming out with a new pistol. It will be named the "Union Worker".
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New Pistol
Charlie Sheen
"Moammar Gadhafi gave a rambling speech that lasted nearly three hours. So now we know where all of Charlie Sheen's cocaine went." —Conan O'Brien
"Charlie created a Twitter account to fill the gap between saying crazy things on television with saying crazy things online." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Charlie's two sons are now in the care of their mother in a safer place: Libya." –Jimmy Kimmel
"CBS has shut down Charlie Sheen's show, 'Two and a Half Men.' Now I'm back to being CBS' No. 1 paid embarrassment." –David Letterman
"Charlie created a Twitter account to fill the gap between saying crazy things on television with saying crazy things online." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Charlie's two sons are now in the care of their mother in a safer place: Libya." –Jimmy Kimmel
"CBS has shut down Charlie Sheen's show, 'Two and a Half Men.' Now I'm back to being CBS' No. 1 paid embarrassment." –David Letterman
Amazing new gadget
Etch-a-Sketch 2 Takes Gadget World By Storm
LONG BEACH, CA (The Borowitz Report) – A new combatant entered the so-called tablet war today and it's already getting a big thumbs-up from gadget aficionados: the Etch-a-Sketch 2.
The E2, as its called, looks very similar to its predecessor, but in the words of the company spokesman who unveiled it at the TED conference in Long Beach, "This is not your father's Etch-a-Sketch."
Like the traditional Etch-a-Sketch, the E2 has many familiar features – red case, vertical and horizontal knob controls – but it is also tricked out with some decidedly 21st-century features, like wifi and a camera.
"The Etch-a-Sketch 2 is more than just another tablet," said Tracy Klugian, spokesman for Ohio Art, the manufacturer of the E2. "It is going to totally change the way you think about completely unnecessary devices."
While the Etch-a-Sketch 2 clearly wowed the lion's share of attendees at TED, it was not without its detractors, like Zach Besserman, 5: "If I'm in the middle of drawing a doggy or a tree, why would I need to use a phone? That's just dumb."
Mr. Besserman also said he preferred his original Etch-a-Sketch "because you didn't have to charge it every fifteen minutes."
Jessica Steemons, 4, said she was impressed by the Etch-a-Sketch 2 but was reluctant to pull the trigger on it: "I've heard that the Etch-a-Sketch 3 is going to be amazing."
New Tablet Has Camera, Wifi
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The E2, as its called, looks very similar to its predecessor, but in the words of the company spokesman who unveiled it at the TED conference in Long Beach, "This is not your father's Etch-a-Sketch."
Like the traditional Etch-a-Sketch, the E2 has many familiar features – red case, vertical and horizontal knob controls – but it is also tricked out with some decidedly 21st-century features, like wifi and a camera.
"The Etch-a-Sketch 2 is more than just another tablet," said Tracy Klugian, spokesman for Ohio Art, the manufacturer of the E2. "It is going to totally change the way you think about completely unnecessary devices."
While the Etch-a-Sketch 2 clearly wowed the lion's share of attendees at TED, it was not without its detractors, like Zach Besserman, 5: "If I'm in the middle of drawing a doggy or a tree, why would I need to use a phone? That's just dumb."
Mr. Besserman also said he preferred his original Etch-a-Sketch "because you didn't have to charge it every fifteen minutes."
Jessica Steemons, 4, said she was impressed by the Etch-a-Sketch 2 but was reluctant to pull the trigger on it: "I've heard that the Etch-a-Sketch 3 is going to be amazing."
A Priest and a Rabbi
A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other in an airplane.
After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, 'Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?'
The rabbi responded, 'Yes, that is still one of our laws.'
The priest then asked, 'Have you ever eaten pork?'
To which the rabbi replied, 'Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.'
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, 'Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?'
The priest replied, 'Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.'
The rabbi then asked him, 'Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?'
The priest replied, 'Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith.'
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes.
Finally, the rabbi said, 'Beats the shit out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?
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1 Mom's $279/Day Trick
Single Mom Makes $4,375/Month. Discover How She Does It...
News7Weekly.com
After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, 'Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?'
The rabbi responded, 'Yes, that is still one of our laws.'
The priest then asked, 'Have you ever eaten pork?'
To which the rabbi replied, 'Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.'
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, 'Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?'
The priest replied, 'Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.'
The rabbi then asked him, 'Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?'
The priest replied, 'Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith.'
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes.
Finally, the rabbi said, 'Beats the shit out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?
=
____________________________________________________________
1 Mom's $279/Day Trick
Single Mom Makes $4,375/Month. Discover How She Does It...
News7Weekly.com
H.L. Menckin on people
H.L. Menckin on people
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
A prohibitionist is the sort of man one couldn't care to drink with, even if he drank.
An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.
Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of himself.
and my favorite
The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught.
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
A prohibitionist is the sort of man one couldn't care to drink with, even if he drank.
An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.
Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of himself.
and my favorite
The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught.
Should You Remarry
Should you remarry after a spouses death?
The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.
She said to me, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff."
"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" I asked.
"I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don't want some other bitch using my stuff."
I looked at her and said: "What makes you think I'd marry another bitch?"
Getting on in years
A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............
"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............
"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
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