You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house - mowing the
lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room, or whatever . You
are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes
on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt
with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in
the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to
run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job. Depending on
your age you might do the following:
In your 20's :
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush
your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror
and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you
just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And you
went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You
married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb
your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your
favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is
the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40's :
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover
the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat.
Wash your hands. Your bottle of cologne is almost empty so you don't want to
waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do
more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is
your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto
your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dog doo-doo in your
new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that
shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register
smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you
remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I
Got Worms '.
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog doo-doo off
your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's You hope you
have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl
running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you
are not sure.
In your 70's :
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has
your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog doo-doo on your
shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her
of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you
needed to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying
to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone
called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you
at the front door.
In your 90's:
What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I? Why
am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?
are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes
on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt
with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in
the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to
run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job. Depending on
your age you might do the following:
In your 20's :
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush
your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror
and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you
just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And you
went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You
married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb
your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your
favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is
the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40's :
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover
the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat.
Wash your hands. Your bottle of cologne is almost empty so you don't want to
waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do
more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is
your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto
your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dog doo-doo in your
new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that
shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register
smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you
remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I
Got Worms '.
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog doo-doo off
your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's You hope you
have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl
running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you
are not sure.
In your 70's :
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has
your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog doo-doo on your
shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her
of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you
needed to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying
to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone
called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you
at the front door.
In your 90's:
What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I? Why
am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?
