Two beggars



Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome - one has a cross in front of him; the other one the Star of David. Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.

A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none to the beggar behind the Star of David.

Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money
if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite."

The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing."


Wise men wise thoughts
























Three envelopes



A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.

Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor."

The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street - responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.

About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.

After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope.

The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."


Holiday Warning.........

Please, take care of yourself this holiday season.

A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the
Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are
alcohol related.

This means that the remaining 77% are caused by people who drink bottled
water, Starbucks, soda, juice, energy drinks, and crap like that.

Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol.
They cause three times as many accidents.

This message is sent to you by someone who is a drinker and worries
about your safety.
 



YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP!!!!





Happy New Year






What does Courage mean?



COURAGE?

What is the meaning of courage?


Is it to fight a bull in a bullfight without any weapon?


Is it to fly a fighter plane in combat?


Is it to practice free fall parachuting?


Is it bungee jumping, white water rafting?

Bullshit... those are nothing!




THIS my friend is COURAGE!!!








Last picture I have of my dog "Lucky!"




Politics



''Politics, noun. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.''

''Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.''

''Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.''

—Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary



Happy 2012






More on 2012










Exercise for Folks over Fifty - funny



Exercise for Folks over Fifty

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.
  
With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can.  Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
  
Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.  After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.
  
Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)
 
After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
 
 

 


Colonoscopy



After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a colonoscopy in New York, I decided to have my next one carried out while visiting friends in San Francisco, where the nurses are allegedly much more gentle and accommodating.

As I lay on my side on the table, the nurse began the procedure.

"Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection." the nurse told me.

"I haven't got an erection," I replied.

"No, I do," replied the nurse.